Published June 4, 2010
The pain, it doesn't hurt much.
I have it 'round the clock.
Since you've gone.
Tick, tick, tick, tick tock.
Inside, it has broken.
One piece, now two.
Gone, faded away,
While tears stream as I cry boo hoo
Split in half
Because you're gone.
Forever and a day
Can't go on.
But I know that I can try.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,396 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
This was good whenever I try to put words together it usually winds up a mess and I have to start over. Yours is well written a little on the short side but other than that is was good keep it up maybe I will get to read more of your work later on.
Thanks I'll work on it, because it isn't supposed to be light-hearted, you're right.
I think this is a worn out topic, and cliche. Also, some of the things you said sound really awkward, like
'Boo hoo' makes it so that you can't take the poem seriously, like it's supposed to be lighthearted. But, I think, you probably want people to take it seriously. I think you should rewrite this poem, and put more detailed things in it, instead of these cliches like
Keep writing! You can only get better.